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I have realized something very important these past few weeks.
Taking a break from something when you are just not ‘feeling it’ is as imperative to health as staying committed to a goal just so that you don’t feel like you are letting yourself down.
At least this is true for me.
My plan with starting this blog was to not skip even one day, so that at the end of 365 days, I would have a full year, day by day to show my progress, attempts and even failures with my journey back to better and optimal health.
When guilt began to creep in the past few weeks over me not showing up to my writing as much as I had hoped, I really had to take a step back and ask myself what might be doing more damage in reality: skipping days of writing because I didn’t feel inspired or physically up for it, OR, the guilt that I put upon myself for slacking and having possible judgement from people who might say I can’t follow through on my goals.
It might be a combo of the two that caused me stress, so I just decided to let them BOTH go. To give myself a hall pass, not care what others may or may not be thinking, and let myself just BE. Isn’t the entire point of this project to actually feel better than when I started?
Well, if that is the case, then the answer is just to let go of the internal struggle and have the REST be a huge part of my healing.
I am finding that it’s quite often in the surrender that the healing occurs.
As much as I plan on showing up more regularly for my writing, I am rolling for this bit until I regain some energy back. Cutting out more foods, especially sugary ones (even the natural kinds!) are a giant undertaking, along with attempting to add certain ‘problem’ foods slowly back in to see how and why I might be reacting.
Hit a wall the past week where I just cannot stand to eat the same exact dinner night after night like I have been. I believe it had been over six months of seriously eating the exact same combo of foods, especially at dinner and I just couldn’t stand it anymore.
I am still in progress, as I have an appointment next week with an amazing nutritionist to whom I was referred to (AND generously GIFTED by an EHR listener turned fast friend:) so I am very eager to see what adjustments with my supplementation needs to be done so I can start feeling leaps and bounds better.
In all honesty, the best day will be when I can eat a different dinner every night of the week and actually FEEL good afterward! Oh the things you never thought you’d be saying ha ha! It’s all about simple pleasure and small victories, both of which I am appreciating more then I ever have.
FEEL GOOD MOMENT OF THE DAY: A woman saw my hands full of groceries and eagerly offered to help me to my car! WHAT a kind gesture. To have another woman see a sister who looked like she needed help made my day more than a helpful and polite man! Felt like a sisterhood of understanding, and even though I didn’t end up needing her help as I had already made it right to my car, it reminded me the importance of offering help and being of service to those who look like they can use it, even if they indeed don’t need it. May I be looking for more daily opportunities to lend a hand and show the world and my community more love…
SO, I am still awaiting the final test results of my mercury testing. I hope it’s by tomorrow or this week. I have more blood work ordered that I will go in for this week as well, to recheck my elevated CA 19-9 level, which is the pancreatic antigen marker. The fact that this number fluctuates so much might very well be due to high level of infection in my body due to some factor, possibly even the amoebic infection I tested positive for last year, but was pretty convinced was remnants of a past infecting lingering.
I might very well be wrong, so I will continue to search.
This is the reason for cutting out all fruit and most sugars at this time, to try to really help my body deal with warding off infection by building a stronger immune system.
I will also be ordering the 23 and me test so that I can find out where I stand with methylation issues, as I have been following a strict non sulfur/non thiol diet for almost a year now, and I cannot even cheat a tiny bit with these lists of foods or I take a dive. So I really need to check in with this, which could all be due to heavy metals and mercury or even a gene mutation, which is what the 2 and me test will be able to tell me.
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