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Feel Good Project day 9

Lately I have realized that I have too many expectations.

Not of others, or what I want them to do for me-but of MYSELF.

I often hold myself to too high in the sky standards, which I never hold anyone else to. Why then do I do this to myself?

I think it’s like the seemingly true idea that we sometimes treat those who are closest to us the very worst, because we know they will most likely never leave us. So if that’s the way we rationalize it, then imagine how true we make that for ourselves.

It’s almost like we have a hall pass to treat ourselves the most poorly of all because we know we can’t really get away from ourselves.. WE are all we’ve got, so knowing we can’t leave-we create ways to self sabotage just to see how much we can stand. To see what we are truly made of.

A way I have personally done this is by creating gigantic expectations of myself, which in some cases, is just not humanly possible to fulfill. It is too giant of a thing.

Being an empathic person, I never want to hurt anyone and I also want everyone to always like me. This can cause a major problem. When my expectations become never to hurt anyone for example, this sets the bar to a very unrealistic place where I am not being honest with my true feelings, and therefore I don’t properly process my emotions and then stuff them deep down, where they get stuck.

In that stuck place they basically rot and slowly take me down.

What I have come to learn is that in order for me to feel a LOT better, I need to better practice and ultimately master the art of setting boundaries with others so that I can set healthy expectations of myself in return.

Though learning to say ‘no’ more often might feel lousy to me, the more I do it, not only do I get better at it, but I also don’t feel like I spread myself too thin, which in turn brings me freedom from any guilt that I feel about what I ‘should’ be doing etc.

In this healing process, I have had to lower my expectations of many things in order to lighten my load and just get WELL.

At the end of the day (today was a perfect example) I need to be okay with unfinished tasks that can roll over to tomorrow or next week. Where I used to beat myself up for having a stack of junk mail on the table that I didn’t get to like I wanted, I now remind myself of everything I DID do-which was a HECK of a lot.

Working an 8 hour salon Saturday today, attending a baby shower, completing numerous chores, returning emails, meeting friends for dinner, taking care of Maggie, taking care of myself, writing this blog-I think that is a day well lived.

The stack will still be there tomorrow and it isn’t the end of the world.

When I give myself grace and even thank myself for showing up and putting my all into this day is when I feel my best. The tension eases a bit and I can return to a true state of calm and peace.

I will work on incorporating more of these daily practices into my weeks ahead…

FEEL GOOD MOMENT OF THE DAY: celebrating the upcoming birth of my best friend’s baby at her gorgeous shower today-SUCH a beautiful reminder of the miracle that life really is.