I’ve Been Living A Big Lie For The Last 3 Years

Feel Good Project day 57

Today was supposed to be my last ‘official’ Saturday of doing hair before I retired BUT due to handing off my whole entire clientele to my friend Kelly who is going to take my place at the salon, I am going to hang in there for two more Saturdays while we work together to make this transition as seamless as possible. KNOWING that I am down to my last two days though FEELS like I am already done, so mentally I have started to move on already:)

It’s hard to describe how much sleep I have lost over the years about having to go into work-as I am sure MOST people deal with on a daily basis. That’s scary to me, as my job is about the best, most flexible schedule and excellent pay a gal could ask for (minus the health deteriorating factors and connections to cancer from hair dyes of course!) and I STILL felt bogged down and stressed out.

The physical energy has most definitely taken a toll, but I think the mental exhaustion might take the cake!

I always joke that I should get paid $250 an hour like a licensed therapist, because in my opinion that is what hairstylists are (minus the certifications of course-but man do we know the ins and outs of people)…

I absolutely knew without a doubt today that this is the right move as I only had THREE men’s cuts today-all really great, easy people to be around and the work was a cake walk! However, when I woke in the middle of the night to pee, I found myself not being able to get back to sleep as I knew it was Saturday and I had to drag myself into work in a few hours!

SAD.

There is nothing more yucky feeling than pushing myself to do something that truly stresses me out beyond belief knowingly for YEARS, and then telling myself it’s just what everyone has to do, so why should I have it any different?

It’s a LIE.

One big, fat, filthy lie I have bought into for so long that I didn’t even realize it until I stepped back from it a bit (this process has taken me the last 2-3 years to even wake up even in the tiniest way) and began to see things for what they really are.

In the middle of the night when attempting to calm the mental chatter, I reminded myself I only had two Saturdays left after this one and you know what happened?

IMMEDIATELY the tension left my chest and I breathed a huge sigh of relief and drifted off back to sleep.

If that’s not proof and confirmation that I need to break up with my career then I don’t know what is.

I will miss many wonderful people who I will always call friends (and many will still be in my life!) but I will not miss the…

• mental slavery that I have shackled myself to
• attempting to please everyone
• forced awkward conversations
• judgments thrown my way
• opinions given without my asking
• not understanding why I eat the way I do and
• why I don’t have any kids yet.

This ALL stops in two weeks!!!

Of course there will always be some of those things in my life with family and friends, and even now with Extreme health radio-BUT I get to choose how I react without somebody paying me to basically be nice and agreeable on all subjects and occasions. THAT is a giant breath of fresh air.

Continued to make room for my new life by getting rid of four more bags of unused items to charity, and cleaned the house from top to bottom.

Energetically making room for the NEW to invade my life and infuse my soul in ways I have not yet seen but just KNOW are waiting for me.

Clearing the clutter and returning to simplicity (especially in a 600 square foot apartment) are the name of the game. Still learning the art of no attachments, but I know that takes some practice, and I have to say I am leaps and bounds ahead of where I thought I’d be as I stood in my kitchen wondering what should stay and what should go to a new home.

Today feels clean, new and full of possibility (even if my digestion is completely screwed up as I write this!) and I know that my health is next as far as a complete overhaul.

EXCITING Times…

FEEL GOOD MOMENT OF THE DAY: Calculating just HOW much debt we have managed to pull ourselves out of this past year by the grace of God. Talk about feeling lighter!!!! That is an indescribable feeling that I know helps lead back to health on so many levels.

Image: http://www.wikihow.com/Avoid-Common-Hair-Dye-Mistakes