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To unapologetically live my life…THIS was the theme of my week!
First off, to ‘forgive’ myself for still continuing to have dropped off the radar longer than I had planned as far as staying up on my daily blogging goes.
I am journeying to the center of self forgiveness and letting go of pleasing people outside of myself, while staying true to what my heart of hearts desires, all while trying to keep up the motivation to keep going!
Have always heard life would be full of ups, downs and in betweens, but I seriously didn’t think they were talking about MY life!
This week was a big week to say the least.
Without rehashing much of the story, traffic to Extreme Health Radio’s site has continued to deplete, while sales and donations had consistently dried up over the past 6 weeks. Weirdest and most challenging 6 weeks of my life outside of my health challenges.
Candidly, we were and still are close to not being able to keep going without the financial support from our listeners. We have had so many wonderfully generous fans of the show who have kept us going up until this point, so for that I am full of gratitude. Without these special individuals believing in our work and what we create for the world, the dream never would have taken off of the ground.
All this to say, I needed to ask for some help.
Now, this may seem like no big deal to most, but it was HUGE for me. Asking for money help would make any internet marketing guy cringe, and I am sure they would tell me to grin and bear it, not to let yourself look weak, and act like you have it all together.
Sure, this might seem all fine and dandy, BUT one little problem with this. This IS what we have been doing. Trying to rarely complain and show how hard things are on the home front, there is only so much a person can take when the weight of the world is weighing one down.
I reached such a point.
So Monday early morning, I commandeered our email newsletter and sent out a sort of S.O.S. call to our list, asking for very specific help to come and surround us with financial backing so that we wouldn’t have to shut down. I was honest, while praying I remained in a place of humility and didn’t come across as desperate. I really needed to put the request for help out into the world.
Now what I learned this week (among MANY things) is that many times your intuition weighs in above the practical, so I took the leap, and told myself that no matter the outcome, I was doing my part in being sincere to my soul and the help it needed.
I do not regret it for one second.
We did indeed get some help that really makes things survivable and at least now we see the light at the end of our dream tunnel again, thank God! THANK you all my lovely, supportive friends who answered the call!!!
However, there was also the feared backlash that I was dreading.
There were indeed people who unsubscribed from our newsletter that next morning when I awoke, as they seemed to be offended by my asking for help for some reason. It takes GUTS and BRAVERY to ask for help, and I rarely do…so putting myself out there to have a fear actually materialize and surviving it was a great learning tool for me.
Then there was the other than nice and kind emails I received. Only a few, but to someone who is working on building a tougher shell, this felt a bit like rough blows to my thin, newly forming baby skin. I won’t lie-this HURT.
It’s like that line from a Coldplay song, “Nobody said that it would be easy; nobody said it would be this hard…”
Putting oneself out in the public is what I have chosen, I know this. However, I don’t think one can ever be fully prepared for the unknown. What surprises me the most through it all though, was how quickly I am recovering from harsh words or unkind messages that are meant to tear down.
I am actually deriving more power from them.
I am putting them under my feet to build a stronger platform from which to jump.
Although the diving board platforms keep getting higher and higher, and I am not a fan of heights, I continue to dive.
I will end on a quote my dear friend Pastor Nar posted to Facebook the other night which said,[spp-tweet “”Quit standing at the edge of yourself. Dive in, Baby!””]
FEEL GOOD MOMENT OF THE DAY: Carving out a few designated hours to sit with my craft of self expression…my life’s work and project I have started…needed to create proper time to spend with it, instead of just hoping it would find the time for ME. That’s also what has me showing up for this post late tonight past my bedtime…it just FEELS right showing up.
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