I Failed You And I’m Sorry

Feel Good Project day 71

Remember that from the very first entry of the FEEL GOOD PROJECT, my goal was to be as candid and real as possible? Well, the fact of the mater honest truth is that I SKIPPED a day of writing last night so i am making it up this morning!!!

My goal was to never ever skip one single day. Funny things about goals. I was about to beat myself up and drag myself over the coals for not following through last night.Then I stepped back and asked myself what the true goal of this project was in the first place, and to be honest, it was about developing a pattern and consistency in my life, and capturing nuggets of my journey along the way in order to reflect back on where I have come from.

Now that does not sound like RULES about not skipping one day here or there does it?

Why do we do this to ourselves?

The fact is that I HAVE shown up every single day until last night since October 31st and that is a HUGE accomplishment to me. If you were to look at the me prior to this (and in fact most of my childhood), follow through has never been my strong point.

I am choosing to feel accomplished about this rather than failure.

Holding myself to strict rules with zero grace isn’t about feeling good anyway, it is about creating flow and commitment while finding the balance of the two in my opinion and findings.

Want to know WHY I didn’t show up last night?

I was driving a boat.

Yes, I helped plan a dear friend’s 40th birthday celebration for a sunset boat cruise in the Newport harbor here in southern California (back story -I worked a full day at salon, threw a dinner party night before, planned a full blown garage sale, visited my best friend and new baby, been working on new projects and aspirations-all while trying to keep up with sleep, cleansing and being good to my body!) That was just the two days leading up to yesterday.

So I can tell you honestly I was TIRED.

As all of the gals loaded into the boat to set up the cheese platters and champagne, I had to use the restroom, so I hurried off to find one, only to return to a boat full of settled friends who named me captain for the evening.

I had decided this year would be more about saying a resounding YES to new things that came my way, followed through with the attitude of CHARGING the experience, not just meekly accepting it.

So, with a literal TWO minute crash course from the boat dude on how to drive a boat full of people in the open sea, we took off and within minutes there were requests from the party goers to drive down tiny, tight waterways and canals to look at all of the fancy homes dotting the shore.

I’ll be honest. There were moments that scared the hell out of me.

It was raining, getting dark, and no outside lights on this boat, so navigating through tight spaces with a two minute crash course was throughly adrenaline pumping.

I don’t even know why anyone thinks this should be legal! Ha!

What’s even stranger is that there is a captain’s drink holder which you KNOW is used for boozing it up. I get that now that I had such an experience. Drinks probably actually help this situation loosen up a bit, as long as one can navigate around million dollar yachts and homes without literally running into a problem.

Well, that whole experience felt accomplished, but I KNOW it took it out of me. When I returned home, I ate a quick bite, sat in the sauna to rid myself of the day’s toxins at work, changed into comfy clothes, and then laid in the studio on the Biomat and was OUT.

I don’t even remember wandering from the floor to my bed to be honest. I was THAT kind of wiped out.

So, I will gladly give myself a hall pass and remember it’s all about the INTENTION in my life more than militant rules.

It’s pouring rain on this lazy Sunday morning, so I am off to catch up on some long overdue reading and writing.

FEEL GOOD MOMENT OF THE DAY (yesterday): Hearing my ‘YES’ sound so confident coming from my mouth. I thought, “Who IS this person?” Talk about a feel good moment. 🙂

Image: https://www.flickr.com/photos/brformales/5383746599/